Thank you Capt. Obvious

That hot piece of ass Gov. Palin and her daughter, Bristol, did an interview with Fox News. Bristol told Fox that while she does not regret having her son, she wishes she would have waited 'maybe 10 years down the road, when I have a job and a house' to have a child. The sweet thing was that she said abstinence is 'not realistic at all'. In Alaska, there's nothing to do except sled, shoot elk, and slap skins and even I don't like to sled EVERY day. Bristol's not bad either, I guess the cherry doesn't fall far...hey baby, you wanna go sledding?

I'll make that Kitty Purry

Katy Perry is adorably funny - and I've never found a girl funny in my life. She's someone to keep an ear to, being uncensored but not over the top annoying with it. To rumors about her dating no-im-not-the-lead-singer-of-Good-Charlotte-that-would-be-my-brother-Joel, Benji Madden, she says...

“Oh kittens! It’s two pseudo-famous people sitting next to each other … doesn’t mean we were bumping uglies!” she wrote. “You know I don’t just do that with anyone! That’s just how the media works, as you can tell.
“I was there celebrating a really fun show and a boozy Valentine’s with all my good friends. We were like a group of 25.” she continued. “Benji is a nice young fellow, but my heart really belongs to [my cat] Kitty Purry,” she wrote, adding that it also belongs to her friend, actor Markus Molinari.

Kitty Purry...hil-arious

Marion Knight

The baddest man of the '90s, Suge Knight, was hospitalized after a few punches from Akon's business manager at a hotel in Scottsdale, AZ. What's next, Miley's business manager, or dad, beating up Suge? Joe Jonas laying him out at a concert? I used to be scared of Suge while I was locked in my house 5000 miles away from him. Now, maybe I could take him. Though he did beat up his stripper girlfriend and put a knife to her in Vegas last August, and we all know how my fight with that stripper went.

folks on facebook

Music Guy
Music Guy is the guy who lists 4 paragraphs worth of indie bands under 'favorite music.' Music Guy spells out "Of A Revolution." Music guy asks you what your favorite bands are and tells you "I used to like them before everyone discovered them and they sold out."

Friend Accumulator Guy/Girl
You meet someone briefly and by the time you get home, you've got the friend add email...that's the Friend Accumulator. They read the word 'friend' as 'anyone I've come in contact with.'

Group Photo Girl
Group Photo Girl is the girl who's so insecure, her profile picture includes at least 3 other girls. Group Photo Girl is or is good friends with the girl who names every photo album after a line from the current rap/club song everyone's playing, attempting to make you jealous of the fabulous life her and her fabulous friends lead.

Status Updater Guy/Girl
Status Updater couldn't leave the away message concept back in 2004 with the extinction of AIM. Facebook status isn't meant to update people what you are really doing every hour each day. Acceptable Facebook statuses (word? wtf) are 1. inside jokes, 2. funny lines from movies, 3. funny stories. "Heading to the store with my baby, be back in a little bit!" is never acceptable.

Chatter Guy/Girl
Chatter Guy/Girl won't let you reply to a g.d. wall post without messaging you "hey whats up man?"

Name some more in the comments...

Hey there little fella

There are thousands of basketball players that are Nate Robinson's height (5'6"), it's just that most of them are 13. Regardless, I don't get why everyone goes from 6 to midnight everytime he dunks a basketball. There's no chance he deserved to win the NBA dunk contest last night. Dwight Howard brought a g.d. 12 foot hoop and telephone booth into the building, went in, and came out with a superman cape on and dunked on the 12 footer. He's less than 2 feet taller than Nate and dunked on a hoop 2 feet higher. How does that not get an immediate victory? The girl in Verne Troyer's porn movie thinks this is ridiculous.

I loooove money!

I'm broke, so I decided Valentine's day was my chance to make a little extra dough. Did I earn this cash legitimately? Nah. I told my mother that I had a dinner date ("Are you sure?" she asks...WTF does that mean?!) and that I wasn't sure I would have enough to cover it. She gave me a cool $40 but asked 99 questions, all of which I had answers for. So 'Lindsay Weiss' and myself headed to Water Street Brewery. I got a chicken sandwich and freis, she got a grilled chicken salad. We got some drinks there then met up with our friends downtown. I know her from college, she's from Fon du Lac and now lives in Milwaukee.
So for all you chumps who picked up an extra shift at the restaurant last night to get some extra cash, I guess it pays to be an unemployed loser living with parents. Though I did cry myself to sleep and use my tears as lube.

Crazy day in entertainment news...

Huuuuge day today in the culinary world... the semi-finalists for the 2009 James Beard Awards were announced for 19 categories of chef/restaurant excellence. How is this the third story listed in entertainment news on google?

Tom D. is one of 20 semifinalists for "Outstanding Restauranteur" again this year. How is this picture being used in the third story listed in entertainment news on google?

Damn, she ugly

A nude photo of Madonna sold for $37,500 at an auction in New York. Gross. I wonder what all of my nude photos could sell for then...

She started it...

It's not news that Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna. It is news that he may actually get off pretty easy due to a few loopholes and the fact that in LA, anything goes if you're a star.

I guess since she isn't his spouse, ex-spouse, living together girl, used to live together girl, or baby mama, it is not a case of domestic abuse, only simple assault. Chris Brown's defense would argue, correctly, that Rihanna started it, and the Judge might not want to take on a high profile case like this unless it's "solid."

Moral of the story, just say she started it.