Crazy day in entertainment news...

Huuuuge day today in the culinary world... the semi-finalists for the 2009 James Beard Awards were announced for 19 categories of chef/restaurant excellence. How is this the third story listed in entertainment news on google?

Tom D. is one of 20 semifinalists for "Outstanding Restauranteur" again this year. How is this picture being used in the third story listed in entertainment news on google?

Damn, she ugly

A nude photo of Madonna sold for $37,500 at an auction in New York. Gross. I wonder what all of my nude photos could sell for then...

She started it...

It's not news that Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna. It is news that he may actually get off pretty easy due to a few loopholes and the fact that in LA, anything goes if you're a star.

I guess since she isn't his spouse, ex-spouse, living together girl, used to live together girl, or baby mama, it is not a case of domestic abuse, only simple assault. Chris Brown's defense would argue, correctly, that Rihanna started it, and the Judge might not want to take on a high profile case like this unless it's "solid."

Moral of the story, just say she started it.

In honor of Valentine's Day being on a Saturday...

and the 100% chance something similar comes out of my mouth at 2:30 am...

Get in the car, Daddy's mashing.

Jim Rome, our new left fielder.

Financial AIDS

In retard gold digger news, some girl is suing ex-major leaguer Roberto Alomar for 'making her have unprotected sex with him' for four years, even though he showed obvious signs of having AIDS, and later tested positive. She is seeking 15 million in damages, saying that even though she tested negative, she could test positive in the future. Hey slut, he didn't chain you up and rape you, you chose to live with the man until last year. You probably got more than 15 million from him over those years because you didn't have the backbone to say no to a rich athlete, EVEN WHEN YOU WERE 95% SURE HE HAD A DEADLY, TRANSMITTABLE DISEASE.

zzzzzz...

If you're thinking that you'd like to see The Reader because "oh it's up for best picture, it must be good," you should probably just read the next few sentences instead...

Kate Winslet gets naked, and it's not like "nice, there's a hot naked movie star," it's more like "wow there's some random 38 year old who shows her 'fucked floppy' tits and pre-millenium pubic hair." There's a second of male full-frontal. A kid fucks Kate Winslet at the speed of a sloth. Guy reads books to her. Movie jumps around to something random. Oscar people "Wow that was brilliant!" Regular people "god that sucked."

For a much better review, check out Damnit Chloe, Get me CTU!

B-B-B-Bad Girls

The claws are out on The Bad Girls Club. The show last night ended with a huge shouting match between the 5 fuglys and the 2 Ambers. It's insane how jealous the rest of them are of the Ambers just because they get more of my attention. That cunt Sarah is the worst. The new girl is a close second. New girl comes in thinking she's a queen and every guy wants her, but really I'm not so sure I would look twice at her regardless of the number of drinks I had. To prove how much the others crave attention, they started a crazy shouting match with the Ambers over the fact that Amber B., correctly, called Ailea a gold digger. Ailea is dating an, allegedly, 40 year old with a Mercedes, grey hair and a bald spot. You're right, you're no gold digger.

Move over, Leo

I'm not some great conosseur of supermodels, so the SI swimsuit issue is where these ladies audition for my attention. Aside from the cover, there was nothing incredibly eye catching. The cover features the girlfriend of the guy who plays Jack in Titanic, Bar Rafaeli, who I can't find a single flaw with. She found none with me as well, so I guess we we're, like, meant for each other. Incredible woman. Since the issue is just OK, the better bet is to go to SI's Swimsuit Issue Page and check things out there. You're welcome.

Do-it-all Shawn Johnson

My second favorite olympic gymnast, Shawn Johnson, is signed on to do the next Dancing With The Stars. I'd like to have her over to my place...to put on a helmet and shoulder pads and do some tackling drills out back. Girl could play safety in the NFL, she's a brickhouse. I bet she could do some crazy things in the sack, once I teach her. You know, once she's 18.

Katy Perry's been living under a (the) Rock

We learned two things about Katy Perry in the first five minutes of the Grammys - 1. She is not a Miami Hurricanes fan and 2. She has never seen nor heard of professional wrestling in her life. I let out a decent laugh when the most electrifying man in sports entertainment, The Rock, was introduced as “star of the film Race to Witch Mountain, Dwayne Johnson.” “Dwayne” went all nuts about how sweet the Grammys are. I wonder how many takes it took in practice to get him to stop saying "Slammy's?" He then went on to quote “I Kissed a Girl” and Katy showed little appreciation… Bitch, you should be honored!

Hey girls

Two of Castle’s Cuties, Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, teamed up for an amazing collaboration at the Grammys, leading to millions of “accidents” and this exchange, pre-performance…

(1.5 Rings)
Flave: Guy, I’m on it.
Me: K
Click

And this one post-performance...

Flave: Wow, I won't be able to stand up 4 an hour
Me: Ya I need to change boxers

…Good to confirm that you’re on the same page with people.

I just hope I didn’t come up in conversation with those two girls, or I’m busted. Shit, Taylor’s calling me…

What's he looking at

My arch-nemesis, the Jonas Brothers, rocked out with visually impaired star Stevie Wonder to a mix of their hit, and my penis's October 2005 theme song "Burnin' Up", and Stevie's jam "Superstition." Would his hair, technically, be classified as a mullet? During the performance, the Bros kept coming over by him and going nuts, and Stevie was un-fazed because, you know, he’s visually impaired. I was waiting for them to just stand in front of him and wave their arms, then laugh and high-five each other. They’re not crafty like me, though.

Wrap up

Wrapping up is for suckers, but here's a few more thoughts on the Grammy's...

Mark, Travis and Tom of Blink 182 came on to present an award and took the chance to let everyone know that they’re getting the old band back together. “Blink 182 is back!” …which was followed by a whopping five people cheering. Sorry Mark, I may own your CD’s, but you were only relevant with middle school kids who watched TRL after school. The ship has sailed…

In more irrelevance news, we endured 117 commercials letting us know that Sean Combs is going to be a guest star on CSI tomorrow night. Sean Combs…he’s friends with Puff Daddy, right? Who is he exactly?

A few funny notes involving my parents…
When Dave Grohl(DRUMS) and Sir Paul McCartney(vocals) performed together, my mom said “wow he’s still got it, hey.” I was like “yeah, it’s been a while, probably, since he performed on the drums, he’s been doing the singer/guitarist thing for a while now, but I bet he still plays just leisurely, or whatever.”

My dad asked if Robin Thicke and Lil’ Wayne were “in the same musical group together.” I told him yes.

The pinnacle of human achievement...

Having been involved in similar challenges, I would be willing to bet that the debate/discussion/arguing about this has gone on for minimum: 6 months, maximum: 3 years. Guy's got some sack, though, this is pretty incredible. The challenge is four chipotle burritos, 2 chicken and 2 steak, in 25 minutes, then run a mile in 7:30 or less. I especially love the NFL films background music, they need that guy with the deep voice to do some narratives.

Ricky Martin was booked

At today's 2002 NFL Pro Bowl, chart toppers Enrique Iglesias and Ciara performed for the halftime festivities. It had a mild (ok very mild, but crossed my mind) Timberlake/Janet feel to it, and left me waiting for "...have 'em naked by the end of this song, (GASP!) Woah!"

Wow, that movie NEEDS a sequel

As a proud owner of Into The Blue on DVD, and proud stalker of Audrina Patridge, I'm excited to sit down and have a few great laughs when Into The Blue 2: The Reef comes to theaters, ERRR straight to DVD. I'd love to sit in on the meeting when some film exec. tries to put a positive spin on going straight to DVD. "Yeah, your times are great, I think we could make a good run at it, but I think doing the special olympics instead would be a real positive thing for you."
Audrina and I were playing naked Twister in my basement last weekend and she told me she's also starring in a movie titled Sorority Row, set to be released in October. If Sorority Row is cast like any other sorority scene in a movie or show, then pencil me in for a matinee in October.