Fock movies

I couldn't possibly care less when I hear about a movie that isn't coming out within the next 2 months, let alone one where they haven't signed on all of the actors or a director. Unless it involves the terms "Ashley Tisdale", "Amanda Bynes", "full-frontal nudity", and "orgy" in the same description. Then I make one of those long chains out of construction paper strips, like at Christmas, and rip one off each day until I stand in line overnight for tickets. Nevertheless, I actually raised an eyebrow and got a little excited when I heard about Little Fockers, the third installment of the Meet The Parents series. The story will revolve around the children of Greg (Stiller) and Pam (or is it Pan? played by the lovely Teri Polo), which I guess even a retarded chimp could assume, given the title. For every boring gay movie like The Reader, there should be a requirement that two Farrell/Stiller/Wilsons/Vaughn movies be released. It's called the ENTERTAINMENT industry.

Not sure how this escaped me, but I am now reminded Teri Polo did Playboy. We need more role models like her. Get her on the phone with Ashley and Amanda.



and this came up when I searched "little fockers"...

Don't go jumping off a Ledge-r

In perusing the daily entertainment news, I came across this delightful article titled Oscar Shocker: Is Heath Ledger Going to Lose? Of course he did a "nice job" as the Joker, but I am now rooting extra hard against Heath Ledger. If he does lose, it is going to be priceless when they show the other actors on camera in their seats. Some might cry, some might Boo the winner, inevitably some will have pouty and disgusted looks. I'm getting all giddy thinking about it. Look, a school bus crashing and bursting into flames is tragic. A natural disaster sweeping an area is tragic. An actor who o.d.'s on pills is not tragic. It's an eye roller. Your life must have been unbearably tough, Heath. You were banging an Olsen twin for God's sakes!

Triumph from Belmont Stakes

I've been searching long and hard...

Don't do it.

Shoulder pads are for linebackers, not girls. Many designers at Fashion Week have unveiled looks involving these hideous features. I let out a minor laugh at the opening paragraph of Newsweek's article...

It's probably safe to say that there were more shoulder pads at Goodwill drop-off bins than at fashion boutiques in recent years. But big shoulders edged onto the runways of Marc Jacobs, Donna Karan, Alexander Wang, Diane von Furstenberg and others as Fashion Week ended its fourth day of fall previews Monday.

Ugh. Just don't do it, girls. You won't get hit on. I won't like you. They won't accentuate any feature of yours. They won't hide any feature of yours. You'll just look like a mess. I'm not looking to hook up with Ray Lewis. And God, don't let DVF convince Whitney Port that they look good. Don't taint something so heavenly.

Thank you Capt. Obvious

That hot piece of ass Gov. Palin and her daughter, Bristol, did an interview with Fox News. Bristol told Fox that while she does not regret having her son, she wishes she would have waited 'maybe 10 years down the road, when I have a job and a house' to have a child. The sweet thing was that she said abstinence is 'not realistic at all'. In Alaska, there's nothing to do except sled, shoot elk, and slap skins and even I don't like to sled EVERY day. Bristol's not bad either, I guess the cherry doesn't fall far...hey baby, you wanna go sledding?

I'll make that Kitty Purry

Katy Perry is adorably funny - and I've never found a girl funny in my life. She's someone to keep an ear to, being uncensored but not over the top annoying with it. To rumors about her dating no-im-not-the-lead-singer-of-Good-Charlotte-that-would-be-my-brother-Joel, Benji Madden, she says...

“Oh kittens! It’s two pseudo-famous people sitting next to each other … doesn’t mean we were bumping uglies!” she wrote. “You know I don’t just do that with anyone! That’s just how the media works, as you can tell.
“I was there celebrating a really fun show and a boozy Valentine’s with all my good friends. We were like a group of 25.” she continued. “Benji is a nice young fellow, but my heart really belongs to [my cat] Kitty Purry,” she wrote, adding that it also belongs to her friend, actor Markus Molinari.

Kitty Purry...hil-arious

Marion Knight

The baddest man of the '90s, Suge Knight, was hospitalized after a few punches from Akon's business manager at a hotel in Scottsdale, AZ. What's next, Miley's business manager, or dad, beating up Suge? Joe Jonas laying him out at a concert? I used to be scared of Suge while I was locked in my house 5000 miles away from him. Now, maybe I could take him. Though he did beat up his stripper girlfriend and put a knife to her in Vegas last August, and we all know how my fight with that stripper went.

folks on facebook

Music Guy
Music Guy is the guy who lists 4 paragraphs worth of indie bands under 'favorite music.' Music Guy spells out "Of A Revolution." Music guy asks you what your favorite bands are and tells you "I used to like them before everyone discovered them and they sold out."

Friend Accumulator Guy/Girl
You meet someone briefly and by the time you get home, you've got the friend add email...that's the Friend Accumulator. They read the word 'friend' as 'anyone I've come in contact with.'

Group Photo Girl
Group Photo Girl is the girl who's so insecure, her profile picture includes at least 3 other girls. Group Photo Girl is or is good friends with the girl who names every photo album after a line from the current rap/club song everyone's playing, attempting to make you jealous of the fabulous life her and her fabulous friends lead.

Status Updater Guy/Girl
Status Updater couldn't leave the away message concept back in 2004 with the extinction of AIM. Facebook status isn't meant to update people what you are really doing every hour each day. Acceptable Facebook statuses (word? wtf) are 1. inside jokes, 2. funny lines from movies, 3. funny stories. "Heading to the store with my baby, be back in a little bit!" is never acceptable.

Chatter Guy/Girl
Chatter Guy/Girl won't let you reply to a g.d. wall post without messaging you "hey whats up man?"

Name some more in the comments...

Hey there little fella

There are thousands of basketball players that are Nate Robinson's height (5'6"), it's just that most of them are 13. Regardless, I don't get why everyone goes from 6 to midnight everytime he dunks a basketball. There's no chance he deserved to win the NBA dunk contest last night. Dwight Howard brought a g.d. 12 foot hoop and telephone booth into the building, went in, and came out with a superman cape on and dunked on the 12 footer. He's less than 2 feet taller than Nate and dunked on a hoop 2 feet higher. How does that not get an immediate victory? The girl in Verne Troyer's porn movie thinks this is ridiculous.

I loooove money!

I'm broke, so I decided Valentine's day was my chance to make a little extra dough. Did I earn this cash legitimately? Nah. I told my mother that I had a dinner date ("Are you sure?" she asks...WTF does that mean?!) and that I wasn't sure I would have enough to cover it. She gave me a cool $40 but asked 99 questions, all of which I had answers for. So 'Lindsay Weiss' and myself headed to Water Street Brewery. I got a chicken sandwich and freis, she got a grilled chicken salad. We got some drinks there then met up with our friends downtown. I know her from college, she's from Fon du Lac and now lives in Milwaukee.
So for all you chumps who picked up an extra shift at the restaurant last night to get some extra cash, I guess it pays to be an unemployed loser living with parents. Though I did cry myself to sleep and use my tears as lube.