Talented Feet?

+
GOSSIP GIRL...and more specifically Leighton Meester. While Jessica Biel struggles to disassociate herself with 7th Heaven, Leighton's swinging for the fences. In case you've been hiding under a rock (read: "don't search 'gossip girl' in google news"), Leighton Meester (the brunette from Gossip Girl) made a sex tape a few years ago and "her ex boyfriend" now sold it to a website. Leighton is a BEAUTIFUL girl. Absolutely gorgeous. Tisdale gorgeous. Oh yeah, and she also gives the guy a 'footjob' in the video. No joke. You should see the gears turning in my head.

To completely one-up Paris Hilton, along with a sex tape, she's also featured on a song ironicly titled "Good Girls Go Bad" with the band Cobra Starship that Ryan Seacrest tabbed "possibly the song of this summer" (not that I believe what Lucky Pierre nerds think, I actually listened to it, it's not bad).

To completely one-up everybody, Leighton and Blake Lively took part in possibly the hottest photo shoot ever for Rolling Stone. Except the iffy thing is that 2 girls 1 cup crossed my mind when I saw them attacking that ice cream cone. Then I remembered Leighton hates ice cream so we had to paint my dick bright green during the shoot and photoshop in the cone later. Things have a way of working out in the end.







-
Post-game scissoring coming to a 15% filled arena near you...It's now WNBA season. Yuck.


Eh
Look at my (former) roomate, he's a regular Gilbert Godfrey

The Climb

+
Me. The Make A Wish Foundation camera crew was close behind when four area men descended upon Hoover, AL's Buccaneer Stadium for some field goal kicking and touchdown catching. I hit a fukcing 40 yard field goal. Barefoot. At Hoover. That's like shooting an armed redneck at Gettysburg after they've stolen Ashley Tisdale's purse.
I'm also a pretty big deal in the Nashville area and the south in general. Trace this, Trace that, everywhere. Neighborhoods, streets, trail mixes, bike stores all with Trace in the name. How player is that? One very satisfied woman told us "you can ride the Trace all the way to the Mississippi River, it's a pretty fun ride." Pretty fun ride, indeed...ma'am.

-
The award for worst state in the Union goes to Illinois for it's "breathtaking" scenery, and lack of ability to uniquely name it's cities. Mix in a foothill or two, or something to sled on, anything. 7th grade girls push their boobs together and push them up when they have flat chests, take a page out of their book. As for the cities, I think they just don't have time and resources to do anything but throw a dart at a US map when they need to name one. 98% of their resources go to Chicago, they don't have anything left to pay anyone with wild creativity ERR a 3rd grader to come up with something other than Nashville or Decatur. They do have something to hang their hat on, though...Metropolis - aka a trailer park full of comic book nerds built around a shrine to Superman.

Eh
As in I'm undecided on whether this was the funniest thing ever or I was just tired, or high on meth or something. We made a gas station stop somewhere in Tennessee at a Love's. After I filled my fountain drink, I see a nice display of dvd's with a sign above "Action Movies...For Dad." Then an Orange Chicago Bears jersey with #23 Devin Hester on the front and back...but number 6 on the left sleeve, and abosolutely nothing, blank, on the right sleeve. Then some plain white button down baseball jerseys. "I Love's this jersey!" ha get it, we were at a Love's gas station. Right? Yeah I think it's the meth.

Bush

+
The women's softball college world series...so tight. Specifically, Ms. Megan Bush, shortstop for the lady Gators. (Google images...all they have are her team roster bio pic and a pic of a dirty girl getting fucked with the caption "Check out Megan's Bush!") I'm a sucker for white pants and blonde pony tails anyway, but when she grabs an Easton and parks one half way up the bleachers to win a game, I get a little white in the pants as well. The Gators are a pretty good looking team all around. Not '06/'07 Arizona Wildcats hot, but a good looking group none the less.

-
95% of the girls on the other teams. I think there's a quota of one hot girl per team, Florida just chooses to pay whatever the penalty is, sort of like the luxury tax in the NBA. Even when I see one who looks like they have potential, one camera close up later, I'm back to 6:00.

Eh
Remembering that you're watching women's softball and fantasizing about rug munching D1 women's athletes. They cut to a camera man back by the makeshift locker room tents where a few Alabama players were sitting in a kiddie pool between games. They looked irritated, almost like the camera man was interrupting something. I have no idea what that something could be - I just know that lesbians aren't the most sexually conservative people around. I've been told by a bitter ex-girlfriend that I'm "the kind of guy that makes a girl change her sexuality," so hey, let the big dog eat!

Speaking of Arizona softball players...

Do you ever yearn?

+
I decided that girls can be scored based on your behavior pre and post climax...
Pull out early then handy to finish - she's pro-life and not a looker.
The Just-in-time Pull Out - default
The woops! 1/4 in, 3/4 out pull out - if it happens, it benefits me
and The sucks-to-be-you,-nerd non-pull out - vacations, other states after you've used a fake name, hometown and back story

Marko Jaric of the Timberwolves...Knocked up Adriana Lima, well done sir.
LeBron James...Knocked up his high school gf. Woops, you're the biggest star in pro sports but no models for you. (yeah right, fidelity is blacked out in the Webster's Official Pro Athletes' Dictionary)
This is a huge stretch and makes no sense, but when you're a zombie at the wheel for 5 hours, you come up with some genius shit. Putting a good spin on Marko Jaric doing anything exerts too much energy. Adriana's probably kicking herself... that or at some underground science lab making sure this baby gets her gorgeous genes not his douchy ones.


-
Adam Lambert has some fresh, great new ideas for his debut album.

The musical mix will include...more emotional songs that "appeal to people that are going through a hard time or don't believe in themselves," he said.
"I want to communicate the liberation that is being comfortable in your own skin and that is being your own person," said Lambert, who has largely kept his personal life under wraps. "And the spirit of being different, and how strong that can make you feel."
Any dream collaborators?
"Madonna would be amazing," he gushes. "I'd love to work with Madonna — I think she's a genius.

Few things, Adam...I don't believe mixing Emo music with the cassette tape my mom got me after my dad called me a fat little girl in second grade constitutes a new genre.
Madonna and genius have only been used together in sentences like "It would be genius to come up with a way to eliminate that bitch, Madonna." "Gushing" about Madonna can only mean one thing...hint: it isn't that you're heterosexual.


Eh
My homie, Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers has been spotted canoodling with Lady Antebellum front-...lady Hillary Scott in Vegas. Pretty cute girl. Since I've only seen head shots of her, I used my Google images lifeline and WOW - naked blondes, my penis, threesomes ALLL OVER THE PAGE. Turns out there's a porn star with the same name - Hillary Scott. And yeah, I have SafeSearch turned off in my preferences, don't judge. Basically Aaron's got himself an original jelly bean - she was great until I tried the Starburst jelly bean and had an instant errection from the rush of sugary flavor. Have I gone back to an original jelly bean in the last 10 years... of course not. Can I sit and say wow Lady A singer is stunningly hot... not without thinking of the alternative. But she's still a looker.

Pulling out is for boyfriends

+
THIS...is aaMERican Idol! Idol Season 8 ended with a bang - 2 hrs of performances by the top 13 and collaborations of Idols and actual music stars. Danny Gokey is by far the best of the Idols. That raspy voice is so bad ass. He probably gained tons of votes as a result of his backstory - church music director, youth center volunteer, wife tragically dies during heart surgery a month before tryouts for the competition. Fat middle age women eat that shit up. I wish he had some edge to him, though - a few stints in juvy, a coke problem, anything. He's too nice. The question is how long does he have to grieve the wife? Did you see all those girls screaming his name on there? You think girls have any hesitation about hooking up with celebs, let alone ones who sing on the highest rated (or close, whatever) show on tv? Guy could be with a new 20 year old every night on tour. Insensitive? That's what they said when I dumped my ex after that car accident. You say "body cast" I say "cockblock." Dude got to meet ASHLEY FUKCING TISDALE - this was in Milwaukee Magazine (that powerhouse celebrity news giant)...

"I was freaking out," Tisdale told MTV of her encounter with (Gokey). "I waited for Danny Gokey to come out of the bathroom, and he was, like, freaking out." A whole lotta freaking out going on."

Wow Danny you're my...IDOL, I guess? Except I would have grabbed her by the hair and brought her in there with me.


-
That fag Adam Lambert was at it again last night. He could be the biggest star to come from Idol this season, let alone ever, but if I ever hear that clown do his gay screaming high note with the tongue out bullshit, I'm shaving his head and hiding his mascara. Give it a rest, guy. I am convinced that he lost because of that.


Eh
Jason Mraz ERR Jack Johnson ERR Ben Harper ERR Tyler and Andy ERR Kris Allen upset Adam Lambert to win Idol 8. Kris was pretty good though, he took his songs and made them completely different, which was interesting. What isn't interesting is how he was basically the same as every other douche bag who sits on a stool with his acoustic guitar and sings soft stuff. Speaking of stool, and speaking of Tisdale...I'm overdue for a blumkin.

This needs sharing

There may be 2 million hollywood gossip blogs online, but WWTDD.com is by far the funniest. I'm sitting in the living room with my parents, ERRR roomates having a serious discussion and burst into laughter every few minutes at shit like this...

I don’t know if it’s “cool” to like Eminem anymore but I think he’s fuckin great. I don’t have the time or money to chase every trend anymore. It feels like, as soon as I catch up, the cool kids have moved on to something else. Luckily my closet full of Big Dog muscle shirts and Zubaz pants are more of a timeless look and not just some passing fad.

Katelyn Zeller?

Wow, does Tyler Zeller (North Carolina hoops #44) look like Katelyn, the tranny, from The Real World. I texted this thought to a friend and his response was "yeah his brother is luke zeller from notre dame, then the sister ERRR sibling is Katelyn." Thinking he did some google research to find this out, I was going nuts. It's not really true but would you immediately disregard it if someone told you? No, you wouldn't. Staying with Katelyn, how bad do you feel for the guy she hooked up with during the season? His name is Rayne and he's a drummer for a band out there. If it wasn't bad enough that they said his name on the air, they also showed him drumming. So, for the slight chance that someone might know multiple people with the name Rayne, the mystery of "which one?" was solved for you. Poor guy, to say the least.

B-B-B-Bad Girls

(Late) Thoughts from the BGC reunion...

God I fucking hate Ashley. She wasn't even cast on the show until someone had to leave. It's like she goes out of her way to prove she's a badass bitch. No, no, sweetheart, you're just a cunt who's trying to make a name for herself through reality tv. Ugh, like, soooo unoriginal.

Cookie got some highlights and put on some makeup, and looks real good. She cements herself as my number 1 cast member.

Ailea is probably the most sane of the girls on this reunion show. She says she's going to school and all this warm cheery stuff like she changed into a good person because of the show. Makes me sick - quit lying.

Whitney was never attractive but tonight...woof.

I'm starting to see why I'm the only one who was nuts about Amber B. She's falling down my rankings with a cinder block chained to her foot.

Purity, Shmurity

SO today I watched a True Hollywood Story on "young hollywood" but basically only caught the part on the Jonas Brothers. I guess they all have little promise rings or purity rings saying that they're going to wait until marriage to stay true to themselves. What the fuck ever... you're too young to realize your foolishness. I know they have their "strong family support" and squeaky clean image, but they are near the top of my list for stars who will definately take a 180 about 5 years down the road. One day they'll wake up and realize "hey...we're kinda like the biggest thing going right now with teenage girls, what are we waiting for?!" We're going to see Joe Jonas with a shaved head and K-Fed beard talking about his ecstasy problems and std's, and the youngest one with a full beard talking about drinking so much his diabetes went wacko and he should be dead. 6-5 odds this happens.